1. If you haven’t already, read the previous 3 posts in this series:

1. When Shit Isn’t Working
2. Why Robin Williams Killed Himself
3. Why It’s So Hard to Change
4. 4 Steps to Conquer Your False Self

2. Eventually, I’ll finish my book, which (you probably guessed?) is going to be a seriously comprehensive guide to this topic. Until then, here are a couple decent references (I could give you pages of them, but this post is already too long):

• this is a solid article featured in the Huffington Post by a clinical psychologist.
• Follow Byron Katie @ByronKatie. Here’s one of her tweets: “The ego is not an enemy. I literally loved it to death. Be kind. Consider the terror of falseness. The ego is a confused child.” You can also read her books: start with Loving What Is. (“Ego” is just another name for the False Self

Tool #1: The best book discovery ever

Buy this book and read it: “The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness” (this is not an affiliate link)

A funny (or not) story: I spent over a decade creating, through trial and error, a form of meditation (Phase 1, for beginners, is included below) based on sitting purely with my emotions that had a huge impact with regard to shrinking my False Self (so my True Self could shine through, and also so I could stop sabotaging my life). Then, a few months ago, I came across this book and was totally pissed (and thrilled!), because it teaches exactly what I spent all those years figuring out for myself while doing said meditation. So…do yourself a favour: Read the damn book and live as your True Self a lot sooner.

*To the best of my knowledge and experience, no awards are handed out for taking the brutal figure-it-out-yourself route (which I know a thing or two about). That said, all experiences are valuable—being in those trenches made me a more powerful teacher (cuz I been there, bitches. Like way. down. there. in the mud.).

Tool #2: Zoom out with the Life Story Framework

One of the key things I do with my clients is to teach them how to use this framework, which I created.

In my own personal life, as well as in my coaching and facilitating work, I’ve found this to be a powerful technique that makes it easier for people to create the experiences they want (and to understand what those experiences are). It can also provide you with a Life Purpose Roadmap (which outlines exactly what your “Character” needs to be doing to feel fully alive, and live toward his/her highest potential).

The Idea:
Look at your life from the perspective of a book author or movie director, instead of from inside the character of “you”. Zoom out–way out.

Why It Works:
1. It depersonalizes your experiences, which makes it easier to change things. Your False Self (which is the reason why it’s so hard to change) is less engaged and therefore less resistant.
2. It helps you see the big-picture of your life story, which gives you a healthier perspective. (You see your True and False self more clearly)
3. You understand what shaped the “character that is you” and where you can take that character next in his/her life story.

An Exercise For Ya:
1. Have a look at The Life Story Framework.
2. Imagine you are the director of a movie about a character named “Insert Your Name Here”. What were that character’s formative experiences that shaped how she sees herself and/or how he interacts with the world?
3. Get a notebook and write down whatever thoughts on this come to mind.
4. Every night from here forward, be the movie director looking at the film’s outtakes (that day’s filming). What did the character named “you” do? What was he/she thinking and why? What formative experiences might have influenced these things?

This will give you some useful insights into the character that is you and how you can begin working with him/her to create whatever experiences you want to have next. It’s easier if you actually get the roadmap done first, but this exercise will still help you, as long as you keep doing it.

Remember this: your True Self WANTS to be set free; if you make the effort, it will meet you half way. Tweet this

Tool #1: The Right People

Surround yourself with people who are into this stuff. They will both support you on your journey and call you on your shit (they won’t let you indulge your False Self).

• Join a weekly meditation class
• Join a mastermind group
• Attend events where you’ll find like-minded people

Tool #2: Practice “Noticing” Meditation (a.k.a. mindfulness)

This is a form of mindfulness I tailored over the years to integrate (conquer!) my False Self as quickly as humanly possible (it ain’t a fast process for anyone, except when it collapses into itself as it did for Byron Katie and Eckart Tolle). But if you have less difficult emotions than I did, it will be twice as effective for you. It’s both simple and difficult (because your False Self is going to say “I don’t wanna do this!” for obvious reasons).

What you need:
-10 minutes (every day, preferably in the morning)
-a timer
-a notebook and pen
-a place where you won’t be interrupted (bathroom, if necessary); I do it first thing in the morning sitting on my pillow. You must be sitting upright, otherwise you may fall asleep.

The practice: (Read this to the end before beginning.)

• Choose a sitting position and do not move for the full 10 minutes (even if uncomfortable–you want to observe any discomfort).
• Close your eyes.
• Observe three full breaths—do not control them, just watch whatever the breath is doing. You can count them if it helps.
• After the 3 breaths (which help you focus inward), observe any thoughts bouncing around in your head. Try not to get caught up in them. Note what most of your thoughts appear to be about. If there are distracting noises outside, also note what thoughts come up in response.
• Observe any feelings in your body. Try not to push them away. Common feelings are: restlessness, boredom, discomfort, fear/worry, sadness, anger. Some people may feel excitement about the day (which is great, but remember to just observe it). Sometimes you may feel an “unwanted” feeling that you can’t name—that’s fine. Be sure to pinpoint where you feel these in your body: your stomach, chest area, throat (I often feel constriction in my chest and throat that is uncomfortable , but I can’t always name an emotion that goes with it. I just refer to it as “that yucky feeling” and note what thoughts are related to it.)
• Every now and then return to observing the breath (this helps save you from getting lost in your thoughts). Just watch one or two breaths max, and go back to observing your thoughts and feelings.
• When you get lost in the stories of your mind (and you will!), pull yourself out as soon as you notice. Note exactly what story you got sucked into so you can write it down later then go back to observing.
• When your alarm goes off, immediately grab your notebook and write down whatever you observed.

After doing this for seven days straight, you will begin to notice your thoughts and feelings in a different way. You will start getting insights from your True Self. Keep doing it every day and, month after month, the results will surprise and amaze you. (Especially if you combine it with the above exercise where you write in a notebook at the end of each day about what the Character named “you” thought, felt and did that day!).

A Quick Letter From Me

Okay, dear life traveller, if you’re still here reading this insane amount of content, thank you. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share what I’ve learned with you. Helping people live their life purpose as their True Self is MY life purpose, and the thing that never fails to get me out of bed every morning (and mornings aren’t my thing).

I sincerely hope you’ll give some of this a shot, because it has performed nothing less than miracles in my life. Here’s the secret message: What has helped me the most is learning how to love and trust myself more, and finally (the tough one) to trust in life. Even if you only did that one thing, I suspect your True Self would be free enough to guide you the rest of the way.

Total side rant: This g-damn post took so many days to finish, that I’m now going to celebrate with a glass of good port and an episode of The Mentalist (the only TV series I watch, first because the work I do is similar to what “Patrick Jane” does (reading people’s stories), and also because he runs around secretly helping people, which is awesome, dontcha think?).

Okay, I have my glass of port. Ready? Cheers! Here’s to shedding the False Self as though it’s an old, worn-out jacket and shining like the sun in the buff. Don’t be shy. No matter who you are or what you’ve done so far, you’re a one-of-a-kind expression of God (Life, the Universe, whatever you like to call it!). How can you be anything less than awesome?

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